Mother’s Day can be a pretty painful day for those grieving the death or absence of their mother. Mothers Day Grief can bring up feelings of longing, yearning, sadness, loneliness, depression, anger, bitterness, alienation, and despair. For many, the day becomes about just getting through. Obviously, there is no replacement for your mother this Mother’s Day, but there are constructive ways to deal with the day that might make you feel closer to her memory and to the people in your life. If you choose to ignore the day altogether, we support you; just try and stay away from methods that would be classified as ‘negative coping’.
If you decide to lay low:
Turn off the TV: Mother’s Day themed advertising and programming range from slightly agitating to rage inducing for those grieving the loss of their mother. You probably wouldn’t like me if you knew the terrible things I yell at my television when it stupidly airs Mother’s Day commercials, just terrible.
Skip the Mother’s Day brunch: If your prone to bitterness on Mother’s Day it might be best to avoid places like brunch or the mall, where Mother’s Day activities traditionally take place.
Plan a constructive and time-consuming activity: Mother’s Day avoidance is the perfect excuse to get your spring gardening done, cook meals for the upcoming week, or clean out your closet. Put on your headphones, get to work and before you know it the day will be almost over.
Plan a self-care day: Pick a few activities from our list of 64 Self Care Ideas for Grievers
If you want to focus on your loved ones:
Spend time with the other fabulous women in your life: Why not take the day to celebrate women in general? Many of the things we celebrate on Mother’s Day are in praise of traits, qualities, roles, and responsibilities that many of the women in your life likely posses.
Teach your children something your mother taught you: This Mother’s Day activity reaches across three generations and provides you with the perfect opportunity to bring your mother into your relationship with your kids. It provides natural opportunities to talk about your mother with your kids and helps you to feel close to her memory.
Focus on your wife/sister/motherly friends (for the motherless guys): Make this Mother’s Day special for another woman in your life.
Focus on your children: Truthfully, the only reason I really participate in Mother’s Day is for my kids. I don’t want them to forever associate this day with me bitterly moping around. This doesn’t mean that I don’t tell them Mother’s Day makes me sad, I am very open about this. But I also let them know the joy being their mother brings and I don’t even need to fake it when I gush over whatever trinket they’ve made for me.
Say thank you to your dad or another role model in your life: Mother’s Day is about showing appreciation for those who have sacrificed for us and molded us. So your mother isn’t here, why not take this opportunity to thank others who have guided you. In a family, the father or the eldest sibling often takes on motherly roles and responsibilities after the mother dies. You might never have thought to thank this someone for their willingness to step into very large shoes, let Mother’s Day be your reason to speak up.
Send a card to another mother: Are there other mothers who you admire? A friend, aunt, in-law, or neighbor? Send them a Mother’s Day card and let them know you think they’re doing a great job.
Band together with those who are grieving your mother: Misery loves company and, better yet, maybe you’ll end up having fun and sharing meaningful memories.
Find gratitude:In last years Mother’s Day post I challenged our readers to find simple things to be grateful for. This is always a beneficial exercise when you’re feeling low, so look around and acknowledge that which is good.
If you want to spend time with your mother’s memory:
Spend time in a place where you feel close to your mother’s memory: This could be anywhere – at church, her grave, the ocean – it doesn’t matter.
Spend time looking at photos or items from your mother: Most of us have a ‘mom box’ of sorts where we keep old cards, letters, photos, and other items. Spend a little time reminiscing and going through these things.
Have a ‘mom’ movie marathon: I would watch old musicals and Tammy and Bachelor movies. What were your mother’s favorite movies? Which movies did you see together? Rent two or three movies, get some snacks and invite someone over to watch with you.
Write a letter to your mother and update her on all that’s happened since her death: Obviously, you won’t be able to send this letter, but sometimes writing to deceased loved ones can be therapeutic and help to continue your bond with them.
Do something that would have made your mother smile: Ride a roller-coaster, eat an ice cream sundae, volunteer your time, or read a book. Whatever you do, allow yourself to enjoy it just as your mother would have.
Alright folks, just a few more days until Mother’s Day; we’re here for you now, then and hopefully forever. Please don’t forget to stay connected by subscribing to receive posts straight to your Email inbox.
If you’re worried about making it through Mother’s Day this year, check out our free self-guided e-course on Managing Grief on Holidays and Special Days.
If you are struggling with your grief, contact our Bereavement Staff for assistance, additional resources, or if you would like to schedule one-on-one counseling.
[source: whatsyourgrief.com (Read the full article here.)]